REFORM WALL STREET? (good luck!)

     First off, let me confess that I work at certain Securities firm here in the STL that shall remain nameless (i don't wanna get fired.  I also can't post pictures of myself in uniform on social web sites. (huh?) Anyway, back to the subject of Wall Street. 
     CROOKS!!!
Sorry, that slipped.  Not all bankers, securities traders, stock brokers...
     THUGS IN BROOKS BROTHERS SUITS!!!
Damn, I gotta get that twitch under control.  Where I work, from the CEO on down are fine people performing a much-needed service to provide for the financial futures of their clients.
     BULLSHIT!  THEY GET A FAT COMMISSION AND BONUS EVEN IF THEY FUCK ALL YOUR MONEY UP!
     I apologize again, folks.  I didn't really mean to say such crude things about the financial geniuses in the industry. (read the book "Too Big to Fail" if not, HBO is making a movie adapted from the book.) There is nothing wrong with entrusting these financial wizards with your retirement, life savings, toenail clippings, etc. You can always be sure that you broker is doin everything he or she can to make sure that your money, retirement fund, earwax, etc. is being invested wisely with every action on their part focused on not giving a shit about your retirement or any other silly-ass concern you have.   Their motto is "so what if I fuck-up your life financially and you spend your retirement years living in an appliance carton under the 40/270 overpass and eating out of dumpsters for dinner, don't bitch at me, you ain't the only muthafucka who's life I've fucked-up. So fire me, I'll just collect my million dollar bonus for fucking-up everybody's money in the securities market and retire to my McMansion in South Beach, Florida".
     So here's a financial tip for Old Black Guy Steve: 
     First take all of your money out of the Bank.(they don't need it, they've got us taxpayers to support them!)
     Second, take all the cash you've got stuffed under your mattress.  You know what I'm talking about, the money you've been making selling your Viagra pills to all the limp-dick drunks at the corner bar you frequent.
     Third, while your wife isn't looking (like when she watchesThe Young and the Restless(useless).  We could have a 10 point on the richter scale earthquake and she wouldn't notice, she's too busy worrying about when will Victor Newman finally grow a pair of nutts and shoot Jack Abbott in the head several times.) Anyway, while she isn't looking, take all of the cash out of her purse (buried under the condoms and k-y gel you're not supposed to know about). that she's earned blowing the limp-dick drunks down at the corner bar after they've eaten your viagra pills(you're not supposed to know about that, she always tells you she had a good nite at bingo.)
     Fourth, take all that money and go to the nearest gambling boat (I prefer Lumiere or Harrah"s). Trust me, the odds for your retirement are a lot better, plus the waitresses look really HOTT in those little skirts and plunging necklines, you won't get that at Edward Jones!