My first Jackass award goes to.....(drum roll, pleeze)

     FRANCHESTA BROWN!!!
Yes, Ms. Brown is the first recipient of the JACKASS AWARD.****
     In the sleepy little hamlet of East St. Louis, native St. Louisan Franchesta Brown was charged with armed robbery.  According to the Evening Whirl (all the news that's fit to print!) Ms. Brown attempted to rob a woman of money and cigarettes (cigarettes?) at a Metro East Metrolink station.
     Unfortunately for Ms. Brown, the victim decided "fuck this stupid bitch, I work too hard for my money and cigarettes, this bitch needs to get a job!" and proceeded to dump the entire contents of her hot cup of java and the amateur robber. The victim made the dash afterwards and flagged down some St. Clair County cops, who arrested the erstwhile Ms. Brown.  While wearing the chrome wrist jewelry, Ms. Brown had the nerve to complain that she was "injured".  Cops called paramedics, but when they arrived, Ms. Brown put up such a struggle and fuss with them, the paramedics said, "fuck it, the only thing wrong with this bitch is she's a JACKASS"! The paramedics left to assist citizens who really need assistance.
     So the moral of this story is, if you're gonna rob somebody with a cup of hot java, wear the appropriate protective gear (face shield, heat-resistant clothing).